A little bit about my past…


So those of you who are following me recently probably don’t know a whole lot about my story so I thought it would be helpful for those of you interested to get to know me better!

So I’m 18 currently almost ready to graduate from high school, and I can not wait. These past 4 years have not been the most pleasant, cheerful years of my life…These years have been a rough road through hell to put it quite bluntly…

I grew up in a very nice, wealthy neighborhood and was sheltered from everything bad in the world by living in this perfect bubble of mine. I was raised a catholic, and grew up in catholic school. I was bound to succeed and be as perfect as the quaint world around me..right? Well, unfortunately that isn’t how things turned out. At the end of my freshman year of high school I felt like there was something missing from my life. I felt like there wasn’t much excitement and I was stuck in the mud until I found out what was missing. So I met a few new friends and started going to parties with them. I took my first drink and everything from that point forward was out of control. It’s like a switch was turned on for the first time and it would take a miracle to turn that switch off…

So drinking became something I did most every weekend with my new found friends, but the old friends who had stuck with me through freshman year were wondering who this new Ally was and distanced themselves from me. This made me really depressed and so my parents had me switch schools mid way through my sophomore year. Definitely one of the worst choices I could’ve made. Things went from bad to worse. 

I was a very self-concious sophomore who had no idea who she was, what she stood for or how she was going to make friends in this new school. But what she knew for sure was that she was going to do whatever it took to make friends. And that is exactly what I did. On 4/20, the national pot smoker day, someone thought it would be funny to try to offer the new girl some pot brownies to make some cash. It was one of the first times someone showed interest in me. I was so excited, I thought I was actually going to fit in, so they convinced me to buy 2.

Later at lunch I was hesitant to try them, but everyone crowed around and ensured me that everything will be just fine. I ate both brownies and felt just fine for the moment, I felt loved. After about 30 minutes had passed I started feeling the effects of the marijuana. I felt very paranoid and worried that my teacher knew that I had done pot. Once the bell rang, I switched classed, went up many flights of stairs and then told my math teacher I felt like I was going to pass out. She told one of the other students to walk down to the nurse with me. I remember very little after that. I blacked out while I was walking down the stairs. Some people say I ran into a wall while others said I had a seizure. 

I will never forget that day and how absolutely embarressed I was from that point forward. It made me even more self-concious. I was called brownie girl up until the day I left that school. Things got worse after that event, the pot smokers started hanging around me and this girl named Abby started being my friend. She told me to give weed another try since I ingested too much and smoking it is much different. Thinking she had my best intentions at heart, I trusted her and tried smoking it. I fell in love. I smoked it all the time after school, on the weekends, whenever I could get my hands on a joint, bong or pipe. I felt totally relaxed, my awkwardness went away and my confidence was high. It was a temporary escape from the brownie girl name calling, the bullying, the pain was all gone for a short time. After doing weed with her for a year, she introduced me to ecstasy. It became a new love of mine…actually an obsession. I had heard it made holes in your brain, but obviously I didn’t care I just wanted all my feelings of sadness and pain to be washed away. After taking molly, I felt like nothing could get me down, and no one could make me sad.

However, my parents found out what I had been doing and sent me far far away…

I was sent away to a wilderness program, a lot of you reading this I’m sure have not heard of these types of programs. But they are for people who need to get back on track, either sober up, deal with anger issues, mental issues or whatever they were struggling with. It was for teens 13-17. I met with a therapist weekly and lived outdoors for 2 1/2 months with no access to air conditioning or any indoor shelter. I hiked daily with the other girls living with me for 4 miles to gain access to more water at our new camp site. I cooked my own food, made my own fire and built my own shelter. After those 69 days I felt more empowered and sure of myself than I ever had in my whole entire life. It changed my life. I am sure that if I have a daughter, regardless if she has problems, she will go to a similar program to feel empowered and not let people walk all over her. 

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The necklace in the picture above have tokens that I received in wilderness. The one on the far left means “Solid Ground” I was given this token because I was on my way to developing a strong foundation with morals and values. The one in the middle is “Hewed Stone” I received this on my 7 day solo as a accomplished finding the path of an individual and the path of my family. The small one has a symbol with a pot and an arrow pointing inwards. This represents a “heart at peace” this is someone who has patience, calmness and love towards others instead of a heart at war. I received that token upon completion of the program. The coins below the necklace are my AA chips, I have misplaced my pouch I used to wear with all the chips inside and these are the only two I found. But the gold one is one year of sobriety, I have to go and get my 18 month chip soon (: 

After those 2 months my parents transferred me to a RTC (Residential Treatment Center) I stayed l for 6 months with 20 other girls around my age who were struggling with depression, anxiety, anger, drug abuse, sexual abuse etc. We all had such a strong bond because of how indepth we new each other. I went to AA meetings, grew to love myself, and live a sober lifestyle. I was a leader and for the first time people actually wanted to look up to me! I am so thankful for my parents and especially my mom for finding out what I was doing and sending me away in order to get me back one day. 

I told my mom today how thankful I am that she is in my life… I for sure wouldnt be who I am today without her!! Who knows if I’d even be alive today..

But now I am 18 months sober! Loving my life like never before, almost a graduate, going to attend Florida Southern in hopes to become a vet! I’m passionate about my health, animals, and my education! So much has changed over the years but I’m a strong girl now because of all of it! 

Thanks for taking time to read ❤

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mom’s out there you guys make such a difference in the lives of your children!

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15 thoughts on “A little bit about my past…

  1. Hi Ally! What a powerful story! I had no idea how much you’ve been through. You have dealt with a lot in your 18 years girl, and this has made you wise beyond your years. And you are very strong to be sober for 18 months – great job! It’s also wonderful that you can share what you’ve been through – this will help others who may be struggling in similar ways. Now you have the rest of your life to look forward to. What are your plans for after you graduate? Celeste:)

  2. I really appreciate you taking the time to read my post! Yeah it’s been a really long journey but it’s been well worth it! I really hope I will be able to reach someone by sharing this, that is my ultimate goal. If I can at least make someone think twice about doing drugs, sharing my story was well worth it!

    My passion in life is to become a veterinarian someday, so I’m going to a small college in Lakeland Florida called Florida Southern College in hopes to become acquainted with my professors so they will write me good recommendations for vet school!

  3. Ally… wow. This is my first visit to your blog and it’s a real privilege to be able to read what you’ve been through. I saw a documentary on those wilderness programs here in Australia and I thought… well, they look like a really, really hard program to go through. I am so glad that you had such a strengthening, beneficial experience. May you continue to walk tall and really know your worth as you enter this new phase of your life. You’re beautiful, and I know you have an amazing life ahead of you!! Can’t wait to read more of your blog xx

    • Thank you so much for commenting ! You are so sweet(: There was actually a girl in my group from Australia ! But yes, the program is very difficult but I learned to adapt and call it home for a while. I can’t wait to go back and be an instructor! Thanks again for the kind words and for checking out my blog!!

  4. I found your story thanks to Celeste DeMilla’s reblog. I admire the courage you have shown by sharing your personal story which touched me deeply. One of my daughters had challenges of her own (eating disorder). With counseling and treatment she came through and is now happily married and the mother of two wonderful boys.
    It saddens me how much pressure young women have to deal with through their early adult years. Your story serves as an inspiration to many young adults who may be trying to fit in or find their path. Bless you and good luck to you with your life goals. Here is to hoping for you that it only gets better as you move forward. – Mike

    • Thanks Mike! I’m always happy to share my story and I love hearing about other success stories! I bet you are a proud father to know your daughter beat the demon inside her! Takes a lot of strength. I’ve been trying to get into therapy groups where I can try to help young teens going down a similar road I went down to show them how much better life is without drugs. Thanks for reading, and sharing about your daughter (:
      Ally

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