So those of you who are following me recently probably don’t know a whole lot about my story so I thought it would be helpful for those of you interested to get to know me better!
So I’m 18 currently almost ready to graduate from high school, and I can not wait. These past 4 years have not been the most pleasant, cheerful years of my life…These years have been a rough road through hell to put it quite bluntly…
I grew up in a very nice, wealthy neighborhood and was sheltered from everything bad in the world by living in this perfect bubble of mine. I was raised a catholic, and grew up in catholic school. I was bound to succeed and be as perfect as the quaint world around me..right? Well, unfortunately that isn’t how things turned out. At the end of my freshman year of high school I felt like there was something missing from my life. I felt like there wasn’t much excitement and I was stuck in the mud until I found out what was missing. So I met a few new friends and started going to parties with them. I took my first drink and everything from that point forward was out of control. It’s like a switch was turned on for the first time and it would take a miracle to turn that switch off…
So drinking became something I did most every weekend with my new found friends, but the old friends who had stuck with me through freshman year were wondering who this new Ally was and distanced themselves from me. This made me really depressed and so my parents had me switch schools mid way through my sophomore year. Definitely one of the worst choices I could’ve made. Things went from bad to worse.
I was a very self-concious sophomore who had no idea who she was, what she stood for or how she was going to make friends in this new school. But what she knew for sure was that she was going to do whatever it took to make friends. And that is exactly what I did. On 4/20, the national pot smoker day, someone thought it would be funny to try to offer the new girl some pot brownies to make some cash. It was one of the first times someone showed interest in me. I was so excited, I thought I was actually going to fit in, so they convinced me to buy 2.
Later at lunch I was hesitant to try them, but everyone crowed around and ensured me that everything will be just fine. I ate both brownies and felt just fine for the moment, I felt loved. After about 30 minutes had passed I started feeling the effects of the marijuana. I felt very paranoid and worried that my teacher knew that I had done pot. Once the bell rang, I switched classed, went up many flights of stairs and then told my math teacher I felt like I was going to pass out. She told one of the other students to walk down to the nurse with me. I remember very little after that. I blacked out while I was walking down the stairs. Some people say I ran into a wall while others said I had a seizure.
I will never forget that day and how absolutely embarressed I was from that point forward. It made me even more self-concious. I was called brownie girl up until the day I left that school. Things got worse after that event, the pot smokers started hanging around me and this girl named Abby started being my friend. She told me to give weed another try since I ingested too much and smoking it is much different. Thinking she had my best intentions at heart, I trusted her and tried smoking it. I fell in love. I smoked it all the time after school, on the weekends, whenever I could get my hands on a joint, bong or pipe. I felt totally relaxed, my awkwardness went away and my confidence was high. It was a temporary escape from the brownie girl name calling, the bullying, the pain was all gone for a short time. After doing weed with her for a year, she introduced me to ecstasy. It became a new love of mine…actually an obsession. I had heard it made holes in your brain, but obviously I didn’t care I just wanted all my feelings of sadness and pain to be washed away. After taking molly, I felt like nothing could get me down, and no one could make me sad.
However, my parents found out what I had been doing and sent me far far away…
I was sent away to a wilderness program, a lot of you reading this I’m sure have not heard of these types of programs. But they are for people who need to get back on track, either sober up, deal with anger issues, mental issues or whatever they were struggling with. It was for teens 13-17. I met with a therapist weekly and lived outdoors for 2 1/2 months with no access to air conditioning or any indoor shelter. I hiked daily with the other girls living with me for 4 miles to gain access to more water at our new camp site. I cooked my own food, made my own fire and built my own shelter. After those 69 days I felt more empowered and sure of myself than I ever had in my whole entire life. It changed my life. I am sure that if I have a daughter, regardless if she has problems, she will go to a similar program to feel empowered and not let people walk all over her.
The necklace in the picture above have tokens that I received in wilderness. The one on the far left means “Solid Ground” I was given this token because I was on my way to developing a strong foundation with morals and values. The one in the middle is “Hewed Stone” I received this on my 7 day solo as a accomplished finding the path of an individual and the path of my family. The small one has a symbol with a pot and an arrow pointing inwards. This represents a “heart at peace” this is someone who has patience, calmness and love towards others instead of a heart at war. I received that token upon completion of the program. The coins below the necklace are my AA chips, I have misplaced my pouch I used to wear with all the chips inside and these are the only two I found. But the gold one is one year of sobriety, I have to go and get my 18 month chip soon (:
After those 2 months my parents transferred me to a RTC (Residential Treatment Center) I stayed l for 6 months with 20 other girls around my age who were struggling with depression, anxiety, anger, drug abuse, sexual abuse etc. We all had such a strong bond because of how indepth we new each other. I went to AA meetings, grew to love myself, and live a sober lifestyle. I was a leader and for the first time people actually wanted to look up to me! I am so thankful for my parents and especially my mom for finding out what I was doing and sending me away in order to get me back one day.
I told my mom today how thankful I am that she is in my life… I for sure wouldnt be who I am today without her!! Who knows if I’d even be alive today..
But now I am 18 months sober! Loving my life like never before, almost a graduate, going to attend Florida Southern in hopes to become a vet! I’m passionate about my health, animals, and my education! So much has changed over the years but I’m a strong girl now because of all of it!
Thanks for taking time to read ❤
Happy Mother’s Day to all the mom’s out there you guys make such a difference in the lives of your children!